Well KK as they say “today is the first day of the rest of your life”.
You have a clean slate and what you do with it is up to you. If you give your best self and it’s not good enough you can walk away with your head held high knowing you have your best self.
No more chasing after people trying to get away from you and blaming on your behavior.
You are a work in process so keep working on yourself and self respect.
Until you do the work, you can expect your life to play out like this over and over again, there's no way around it.
You are broken and you will attract broken men. If, by chance, you attract a man who isn't broken, he will run from you.
Stop the dating and do the work on yourself.
I get it - and I admit and accept I'm broken. I recognize that. I am a work in progress and everyday is another day to get it right.
Acceptance is the first step towards recovery! I remember when I finally accepted that I had a problem with alcohol. I didn't want to admit it because that meant giving it up never to drink any ever again. It wasn't until I could admit that I had a problem that I could then take the next step to fix it. That's my hope for you! You admit it, now go out and leave no stone unturned in your recovery.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Kind of a crappy day weather wise --- had some snow but then rained all day and now cold and foggy.
Trying to pick myself up off the floor after being ghosted... ugh still freaking hurts.
I'm going out tomorrow and Sunday. It will be good to be out of the house... lined up a couple of new dates. Will see how this goes.
Put my phone in a drawer in another room. I freaking want to ask for a booty call of all stupid things... why am I so desperate for this guys attention???
Going to go watch a movie and get this man off my mind.
“Why am I so desperate for this guys attention” is exactly something you should be figuring out in therapy instead of lining of more bandaids/ dates.
But for some reason you are ok with recognizing That you have destructive habits and patterns but don’t seem so interested in getting to the root of fixing them, instead you just keep plowing along on the same destructive path.
Why is that? Why are you openly willing to recognize your behaviors are problems, but you don’t want to address it? Are you scared of the work it requires? Because you don’t seem like someone who isn’t afraid of hard work
“Why am I so desperate for this guys attention” is exactly something you should be figuring out in therapy instead of lining of more bandaids/ dates.
But for some reason you are ok with recognizing That you have destructive habits and patterns but don’t seem so interested in getting to the root of fixing them, instead you just keep plowing along on the same destructive path.
Why is that? Why are you openly willing to recognize your behaviors are problems, but you don’t want to address it? Are you scared of the work it requires? Because you don’t seem like someone who isn’t afraid of hard work
I suppose its no better than self medicating with drugs or alcohol.
I recognize its fear/anxiety. I even know that this guy I'm stuck is just a rebound in every sense... but I wanted to hang on to that a little longer because frankly it was fun... and technically GAL if we go there... LMAO!
I've poured a ton of work into myself. Books, videos, programs.
I'm working through my past traumas. This guy I fell for complained that I never talked... which I know I did but I was also quiet but frankly he talked a lot and so I just listened. But his perspective was I don't talk. Well frankly I spent the last half of my M being told to STFU... so I need time to get my wall down. I should have said I appreciated him patience with me... instead I was totally passive aggressive and he shut down.
What LH19 says! So ex-husband, pilot, etc. don't like some aspect of you. That doesn't mean you should change those parts, unless YOU want to. You are obviously a kind, generous person at heart. That's attractive. [There's also nothing wrong with Pilot wanting someone with different attributes--to each their own!]
You are trying to change yourself for a guy who clearly wants someone different, you will never be able to please him.
I went on three dates not that long ago, with the same person, but we both recognised that this wasnt going anywhere and we werent even ready for anything, so we just parted ways and thats ok. No more dates for me for a while :))
I liked him, but i couldnt be myself with him! I was the one talking and he was very quiet, i didnt expect him to change and he certainly wasnt going to. Early on dating you shouldnt even bloody worry about changing yourself for anyone, you are brilliant and amazing and the right person will come along when you are ready! KC you simply arent ready, neither am i yet.
But you need to change your mind set, you are not abandoned, you are free to choose. You are not desperate to bag a man, you will not settle for any less than being treated with ultimate respect and acceptance.
