Not sure why you think people would treat you harshly for being in a relationship, if you’re over your ex. Congrats if you found someone you like! The lines that most gives me pause are where you say you two haven’t changed much and “ But we were young, and although we had a great time together, we were typical of any couple in their mid-20s -- worked hard, played hard, and broke up twice.” I broke up with people for real reasons. I’d face why you actually broke up twice, and consider what has changed if anything due to the intervening years (meaningful stuff-/not stronger feelings, wanting it more, etc.) to maximize the chance of a different outcome or abort early if the same outcome is likely. Good luck!
CW, a couple DBers here were pretty adamant that you had to wait 2 years before dating again, much less being in a relationship. As for me? I couldn't let this pass. I couldn't say to her, let's start dating in a year. I would not be dating under other circumstances, but I know her, she knows me, it's like we have a 1-year head start on things and all we have to do is catch up on 30 years of life and figure out how our marriages have changed us.
Saying "you haven't changed" is mostly rhetorical. Of course we have. But it's the little things, mostly. She holds her fork the same odd way she did back in the late 1980s, and I remembered. She slips her arm through mine and nuzzles my shoulder the same way she did. I roll my eyes the same way as back then, and my laugh is the same.
The story of the breakups back then is both funny and poignant. When you're 24 or 25 you do dumb things, you say dumb things. Yet ... I broke up with Sally to develop the relationship with my STBXW! We have talked about this at length. Sally was not ready to settle down, but I was. And that was the primary reason. And why didn't I stay with Sally and just give her a few more years? Because ... my insecurities coming out again ... I was terrified of her. I grew up in a modest, crazy and ethnic (mostly Italian) household. I was born frugal and practical -- that's the technical man in me. She was neither. I wanted a girl next door type who believed in "for better and for worse," who wanted a white picket fence and a large family. Sally was worldly and wanted to go out to clubs and vacation at the South of France. She was beautiful and sexy and fun but I was looking elsewhere.
I didn't give Sally a chance back then ... I made my decision in a vacuum and just announced to her the second time (the first breakup was for silly reasons) that we were done. She told me that it devastated her. I never knew. She ended up settling down 18 months later. She laughs and said maybe we were so close to getting married, the two of us, back then. But I tell her that I never want to speak of it that way, because wishing that we had married undoes her child and my three. So we just have to smile and look ahead.
