Finally DBing and Accepting

[JosephS]

Steve,

The thing is you’ve said before you realize how messed up she is and than talk about the chance of her coming back. I understand this is a “marriage saving forum”, but at some point you have to see sometimes marriages aren’t worth saving, and you need to save yourself.

Your situation especially pulls at me because I see similarities in our Ws. The narcissistic qualities your W has oozes through your posts. And you don’t see it. You’d write almost like a giddy teenager at how messed up things where between her in the OM. You couldn’t wait to be the the fall back guy. The husband, the father of her kids, the last resort. She didn’t cheat once or twice. She doesn’t show remorse. At some point you have to realize your W (and I mean this specifically for your situation, not others) is not worth the time of day. And ironically enough if you would have treated her that way from BD you may have had a chance of saving your marriage. I’m personally thankful you didn’t do that before you saw her for what she is. But truth be told, as of now I think you would try to steer her yourself into saying what you need to hear and allow her to come back.

Listen to people on here. Some forums members here saved me from myself. If I wouldn’t have listened to them I don’t know what kind of state my children would be in. Because the bottom line is affairs and divorce are a horrible experiences, but it’s nothing compared to what your children are seeing and going through. As I have said before, their entire world was just flipped upside and rocked. You and your W aren’t politely acknowledging things aren’t working out and making a plan and following a path to an easy gentle divorce. And if you were it would still devastate the kids. So imagine what this is doing.

LH gave me flash backs with his be the rock comment. I’m so darn thankful he and others where blunt with me, because my kids needed stability in a way I wasn’t seeing at the time. And from what you’ve posted so do yours.