The whole mentality of staying faithful to my M... I've been able to let that go. And, it wasn't out of revenge or anything. It was actually fun and nice and crap darn it.... still fracking hooked on the guy.
Well I know this is waste of my time but I’m stubborn. This is why you need IC to get to the root of the problem on why you’re hooked on guys who reject you.
Female bff called late last night. Gosh it was good to hear her voice. She's been having a rough patch too but her coping mechanism is to delve into my life.
I vented about the pilot and she made some valid points too. Bottom line is I'm just not ready for it to be done... and my head is all over the place. Yeah, I thought I was being funny and sarcastic but his complete lack of response says otherwise. Now I go into apologetic mode. I get it... I was "complaining / criticizing" something he wasn't "doing". What I should have been doing was "appreciating" something he was doing --- I appreciate your patience and effort in continuing to date despite my quiet nature.... When you leaned over and kissed my shoulder that evening it felt so sweet and amazing.
I think he wanted me to open up more but when we were speaking he wasn't making eye contact so it came across as a casual remark. I can't even remember what we were talking about except my answer was some flippiant response "I'm not currently sleeping with anyone else"... end of convo. IDK was he trying to find out if I was dating around?
^^^I get it. Let it go.
But that is how my mind is wired.
I can't even concentrate on getting my ducks in a row for my atty appt today.
I get it deep down its my need to "FIX" everything. Nothing to do with really anything else except my need to FIX....
Well I know this is waste of my time but I’m stubborn. This is why you need IC to get to the root of the problem on why you’re hooked on guys who reject you.
What was your relationship like with your dad?
I always thought it was good.... I the only girl with 3 brothers. I laugh because I NO competition until my cute adorable niece was born 14yr ago!!!
I always talk fondly of my dad. I mean who else do you call at 1am when you stranded an hour away at an airport with a dead car battery and your dad is nearly the only one who can open the hood of your car to jumpstart your car. Who else shows up with a box of your favorite chocolate donuts when some guy breaks your heart?
I joke how my dad is an adult and I don't poiice his life... he has 3 XW and is currently with woman #4. I like all the women he has been with. Stay in regular touch with all of them.
Rather than focusing on why I'm hooked on guys who reject ---- I'm stuck trying to look at my actions/words/behavior in how I made them feel. The biggest change since BD.... I'm seeing how I revert to the 4 horsemen... defensiveness, criticism. It became a default state and I'm working on that but in looking back at those last 2 texts. I was trying to be a strong woman and setting a boundary but when you text you are missing like 90% of communication. There's no tone or body language so as you all pointed out it came out passive aggressive.
Oh frack it --- it is what it is... I CANNOT FIX THIS. ((that's gonna drive me nuts))
You aren’t hooked on him. You are hooked on the feeling that the bandaid gives you.
Rip off the band aid. It’s the only way to do it. Hurts like hell, but it’s better than the prolonged chronic pain in the long run if you don’t
And quite lying to yourself. If you H wanted back, you wouldn’t hesitate and pilot knows it. Even if you file for divorce, he still knows it.
IDK -- I'm certain OW is living with H. If H suddenly called me up and wanted to fix the M I would not be all in. I would be skeptical and the last thing I would be looking for would be a false start where he would appear to all in and then bail again after 3mo. No... I don't think I would jump. I might raise an eyebrow.
I have a list of things that would have to happen for me to even consider.
And, frankly the strongest reason I might even attempt to work on anything is because I feel a strong commitment to my M and my vows. But, that man would have to jump through some hoops. Yes, our recent conversation shows that even in the midst of a crappy D we can be kind to each other and that he can get help with puppy. Which then tells me if he put in the work I believe this M could be saved.... but there is the crutch... he has to put in the work. History tells us he will go the path of least resistance which is OW.
But, my female bff was snooping last night. I never do. I don't want to know. She will make comments like OMG... and I'm like I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW. But, last night she was like... no, no, no... she just posted this meme about how every girl deserves a guy that doesn't lie or cheat. HOLY COW... yes we both burst out laughing and I was like well maybe one of us should tell her then that this is NOT her guy. At least I still have a small sense of humor.
No, see that’s the rub of it. If your H wanted to, you would. But you keep saying “but he isn’t coming back because blah blah blah” you need to be in the headspace that if he did, you would say “nope” because you don’t want him back, not because he isn’t coming back
