You aren’t hooked on him. You are hooked on the feeling that the bandaid gives you.

Rip off the band aid. It’s the only way to do it. Hurts like hell, but it’s better than the prolonged chronic pain in the long run if you don’t

And quite lying to yourself. If you H wanted back, you wouldn’t hesitate and pilot knows it. Even if you file for divorce, he still knows it.