My Confusing MLC Navy W

[SteveLW]

Update 12-29-20
We went to see family. Rollercoaster would be apt.
The first days we were physically intimate and she was crying. I backed off. Her mood improved around my family. She had talked about OM moving away etc. There were some discussions were I told her that she needed to stay away basically. She panicked and the first thing she mentioned was the kids. I told her that if she was leaving it doesn't matter if it's now or later. After some back and forth I made it clear that if she was going to be with me, she needed to be with me not just "present".
A few days later she approached me and initiated intimacy and it was .. like we were dating again.
Then the next day, more rollercoaster.
Before we came back I looked up some prices and told her I would pay for her to stay at an extended stay until she was supposed to go on her 6 month deployment. She refused.
Since, she's started approaching me for hugs and resting her head on me. Talking to me again.
It's not over the top like the other update where I said I knew she wasn't "back". This feels like a deliberate effort on her part, not some strange emotional head trip. The thing is, I can't tell if it's because she's trying to work on "us" or if it's because she's just terrified of the alternative.
I'm second-guessing everything, feeling guilty about being intimate when she offers it, and trying to find subtext in our conversations. If I'm being honest, I kinda wish she had accepted the room at the extended stay. It would be simpler.

I want to trust but I feel like I would just be setting myself up.

You would be setting yourself up. She is wayward. She wants her H and family while age waits for OM's return. It's what we can "cake eating". From the saying "have your cake and eat it too". All the markers are there. You push her on being there VS. just present. You suggest she move into an extended stay. She panics not wanting to be alone for 6 months so she starts manipulating you with affection and sex! Classic WW stuff here.

So, where is your DBing in all of this? I'm not seeing GAL. What are you doing to improve yourself? In the thick of my sitch I was reading 3-4 books a month! Where is your detachment efforts? Have you even tried to separate your emotions from her words and actions?

As far as the intimacy. The general advice is that if you can't let her initiate without attaching significance and meaning to it then you should turn her down. It sounds like that is what your struggling with.