You’re broken KK and you won’t take the time and effort to go to IC and fix your issues. All the work you did with the books isn’t going to stick because you did it to get your STBXH back.
I don’t think you’re a doormat you just want what you can’t have. You’re unavailable for a relationship because your broken so you chase the pilot and the married men because they are unavailable too.
You have to get into IC to fix that but you refuse.
As for your friend my guess is and this is just a guess is when you’re with a man you forget about him and when you don’t you want his full attention.
You have a lot of good qualities KK but until you get the bad ones under control unfortunately you will suffer.
