Update 12-29-20 We went to see family. Rollercoaster would be apt. The first days we were physically intimate and she was crying. I backed off. Her mood improved around my family. She had talked about OM moving away etc. There were some discussions were I told her that she needed to stay away basically. She panicked and the first thing she mentioned was the kids. I told her that if she was leaving it doesn't matter if it's now or later. After some back and forth I made it clear that if she was going to be with me, she needed to be with me not just "present". A few days later she approached me and initiated intimacy and it was .. like we were dating again. Then the next day, more rollercoaster. Before we came back I looked up some prices and told her I would pay for her to stay at an extended stay until she was supposed to go on her 6 month deployment. She refused. Since, she's started approaching me for hugs and resting her head on me. Talking to me again. It's not over the top like the other update where I said I knew she wasn't "back". This feels like a deliberate effort on her part, not some strange emotional head trip. The thing is, I can't tell if it's because she's trying to work on "us" or if it's because she's just terrified of the alternative. I'm second-guessing everything, feeling guilty about being intimate when she offers it, and trying to find subtext in our conversations. If I'm being honest, I kinda wish she had accepted the room at the extended stay. It would be simpler.
I want to trust but I feel like I would just be setting myself up.
