Yeah Drh, we had just bought a home, just painted the kids rooms in the nee home, put tens of thousands into it and then boom. All gone and she’s in an apartment with OM. Whatever you or I thought was important or endearing enough to anchor a person to commitment (family/kids/history) that all goes away and means nothing. The excitement of OM and a new story overpowers it. Funny thing is that I’ve changed a lot but she hasn’t. Apparently my WW’s OM is heartbroken and disappointed, he loves my WW but she promised to raise his 3 kids along with our two, and do all that wife like stuff, cook, clean, etc... I did all that for her, no OM is sad because he left his W for my WW and she just sleeps all day, she stopped cooking and cleaning and watching the kids, she doesn’t want to be intimate with him and is argumentative. She is exactly the same person she was with me. OM threw his life away for the same illusion I had and it doesn’t last long. Sandi is right, only hard reality will ever get a WW to change.
I accepted one thing: There is nothing and I mean nothing we can do as LBS to change the course of a WW’s actions or mindset. We love them from a distance, admit our mistakes and just give them the room they need to figure themselves out. I realize that my WW won’t ever respect how much I did for her, how spoiled and cherished she was until someone else shows her something different. I’m sure my WW will at some point want me back into an R with her on her terms but I won’t do that. I know better now. I am worth a lot more than second place.
I agree with you wholeheartedly on the point of not trying to change them.
She made a social media post about me (indirectly) saying i was toxic and controlling. She told me I "refused" to let her move out. I told her you weren't going to move in with OM till spring of '21. Now all of a sudden he wants you to move in earlier and we have financial obligations, joint credit cards etc...then she kept asking me to bring the buyout process forwards, and I told her i don't feel financially qualified to buy you out so soon. I was going to do it at year end. I was trying to get my credit score up, pay off some debt etc, but she saw my refusal to do it when she wanted as controlling.
This summer, she asked me "would you let me move in with a friend?" and I'm like you have kids here who depend on you and I doubt your friend would let my kids stay. She said she had no friend and was just testing me to see if I'd stop her leaving. She moved in with OM earlier this month. Did I try to stop her? No, but it's left me in a bit of a mess financially because I don't have her paycheck anymore. She even told me "how can I help you with the mortgage (which is in both our names) if I'm living with OM?" - that's how messed up in the head she was.
When we signed out separation agreement last year she was going to get a better job and buy me out. Before she had an OM she actually had the nerve to tell me: "what if OM offers to buy you out?" After meeting OM she decided she didn't want to get a better job and wanted me to buy her out instead thus breaking the agreement.
Every time we had an agreement she would break it and then accuse me of being toxic and controlling. All this while she lived in the house with me and the kids and was sleeping with OM. Telling me "I'm separated" when it's obvious she wasn't.
