I've been busy and a break from the boards here did me good mentally as I sorted things out. I wanted to share some updates.
My IC and I have parted ways. He says there's nothing to really work on and can see tremendous improvements. He admitted as we parted that he suspects but cannot confirm that I was in an abusive relationship and that would explain why my anxiety increased over time while living with W as I seeked out control elsewhere. W while far from the standard abuser, is very covert and passive in her approach. It also explains my reactions to the D and the months following (separating from a trauma bond).
My kids are doing great. They don't yet know about the D. I think it'll be hard on D4 and I know I'll get us through it. She is being very loving to those around her. My son has really taken to me now that he is a little older and we have a blast playing games together. He is developing well and has a fun personality.
Settlement is almost done and its not bad. W got a job and is making decent money relieving me from being forced by the state to supplement her income unless something changes. I'm still at home as I'm on the mortgage and am counting down the days until I'm free. There hasn't been one house for sale in my area or range so I've found a spot to rent if I can't get a place.
I barely think about the D now. If I see a beautiful woman or we have a bill come up, I briefly think of the D and how long this is taking then I move on. I'm guessing we are officially married for just 1 - 2 months longer before this wraps up. W is still a different person. Her friends and family cut me out already and I'm now happy about that. Many of my friends dont know yet so as xmas cards come in, I see the ones on my side come from a place of love to all of us living in the house. I'm happy for the caring souls on my side. W still has her fits, still tries to control me and only talks to me when it's something she wants to talk about. I can tell you all now, we aren't going to be one of those couples that gets back together in the future. I'd rather play russian roulette than go another round. She did me a favor by asking for D and it took a long time to see that. I'm better off mentally, I'm happier, I get better sleep, I have way less stress, I'll have my own place with my own stuff which will be clean, I wont have nagging, negs, negative attitude and control being directed at me daily. For the time being, as those things do occur, they make me stronger and more resilient.
Time will tell how this goes in the long run. I went from thinking this was the end of the world to now salivating for my new life and freedom. I know my new life isn't going to be a fantasy, and it may not be easier but it will be better. I'm thankful for you here for helping me, my incredible IC, my family for getting me back from a dark place, on to a successful life track again.
Core,
I just notarized the D settlement yesterday. She was with me. It's upsetting to see her but I didn't show it. She moved in with OM earlier this month. I get slightly more than 50% custody, and like yourself she hasn't asked for alimony (I said I would file a motion to stop it as she is cohabiting).
People tell me I should be relieve to have the toxic situation out of the house and I am but I am not happy. I'm not throwing a party now that she's gone. There's just such incredible sadness as someone I once knew seems to have had her SIM card switched out for someone else's. She is completely different. Rebellious in mind and spirit. Some of her family have made it clear they do not support her choices and so refrain from liking her social media posts with OM and my kids.
She has disgraced herself and thrown everything away. Ironically, she is a full time mom to his kids and a part time mom to mine.
I just hope she comes to her senses. Right now she is deep in the fog. she is naturally gullible and will believe anything.
The scripture comes to mind, and applies to many of us: "The heart is more treacherous. Who can know it?"
I hope you can find peace and move on.
For myself, I'm in no hurry to find someone else. I have three teenage daughters to support.
