On the 23rd my neighbors invited me over for a beer and in conversation one of the women who I've known for years was asking about where my wife moved. Out of no where she asked me if I "had hope". I paused and really thought deeply about it - my answer to her question was no, but I didn't say that. I did say the truth, "I'm not sure how to answer that, but my hope is for a better life for me and my kids. We're going to do our best." And that's how I feel. I'm going to my best for me and my best to take care of the kids.
Then I got news that my STBXW's sister who is in her early 40's suffered a minor stroke. There was a lot of drama around that. My sister in law has been under a lot of stress and she tends to carry everyone's problems around for them.
On the 24th my wife came over for dinner with the kids and stayed the night. My sister-in-law got released around 5:30pm and at 6:30pm, as I'm grilling steaks sent a text to my STBXW and me that read "My Christmas wish is that the two of you find your way back together. Maybe that's too much to ask, but I love you two and it's breaking my heart what's happening."
Wow. I didn't see that coming - my STBXW and I did not discuss it. At my house we did have a lot to drink. I asked her what she wanted and she said a martini. I was 100% on board and we had appetizers. Then when that was gone I opened a bottle of prosecco. At dinner we had a bottle of wine.
At dinner she spent the entire time talking about herself and didn't ask me a question about myself. She talked about the job she was interviewing for and dropped an F bomb related to it. The kids were in the room and I was surprised. She called the hiring manager a douche bag twice. She was belligerent. She discussed how she didn't want to take the job that was going to be offered to her because its not what she wants to do with her life and she started to cry.
As I sat there and worked to validate and listen I was thinking to myself that if this were a "date" with a random women, I wouldn't go out with her again.
At 10:30p that night she finally told me where she intended to sleep, which was on my daughters bunk beds. That was a relief at that point.
We also had an interesting exchange where we talked about how I was parenting my son differently. I told her I wasn't going to push him to be his best any more. I was going to let him figure things out on his own, that caught her off guard and peaked her curiosity. She was also curious about some of the changes I made to the house.
Christmas day was good. My daughter woke us up at 6am to open gifts. We did presents with the kids and were done around 8:30a. We were all in the family room and my wife was under blankets on the couch and then she decided to take a nap for about 40 minutes, which blew my mind. I was just thinking about how weird it would be for me to do that at her house or anyone else's for that matter.
I pushed breakfast off so that they would stay longer. After breakfast we played with some gifts and then we played ping pong as a family and had a lot of fun. Then we watched the Polar Express as a family. I was a little confused because I thought they would leave after breakfast but it didn't seem like she wanted to leave for one reason or another - I assume she just wanted the kids to be with both of us, but that surprised me as well.
She facetimed with her family while here for Christmas and to see how her sister was doing. On that call her sister again brought up that our divorce was breaking her heart - I couldn't believe it. Also over the 24 hours my wife was over she teared up on several occasions.
On the way out of the house she gave me a hug.
I will also say that she looked sexy on Christmas eve and on Christmas day she looked very cute. After they left I went to my parents for dinner and had a great time.
All and all the interaction was weird. We have our next mediation session on Monday.
Mentally I feel pretty good. My IC recommended journaling every day and I think that is helping. I'm sleeping pretty good and the last three days I haven't had my daily dose of anxiety.
When I don't have my kids and I get bored I'm very tempted to download a dating app to see what's out there, but I continue to avoid that. Anyhow, that's the report.
