It's really hard. Being in a relationship for so long conditions you to be codependent. It's very hard habit to break free from. You want things to go back to when they were good. I'm sorry friend, but I don't think they ever will. It's not your fault, nor is it about blame at this point.
From everything you have posted it really seems like you will have to file for D if you want to change your sitch. I know you don't want to hear that. Part of you probably thinks you can hang on until the kids are all grown and flown, but will that be good for you? Can you put up with 8-10 more years of this? I know you said 7 years but kids these days don't move out like we did at their age.
You are the only one who knows the answer, and you're the only one who has the ability to change your reality.
thanks for your thoughts. I think you're right, its just a matter of processing for me and accepting. A year ago I thought i could hang on, now I do not believe I can. Nor do I want to. But I hate losing my intact family. We are a great family. I hate not having my kids everyday. Those are the things I hate.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
