What's New Today pt2

[CanBird]

Merry Christmas DnJ. Thank you for dropping by. Always nice to wake up and see a post from you. I really mean that. You help SO many of us on here. You're a real blessing.

One thing that I've always said to D4, from a very young age is, "Hearts & Thoughts".

Hearts & Thoughts: When someone we love isn't with us, even if it's someone that has passed away, they are always with us in our hearts & thoughts.

You could add something about Daddy’s lack of matching behaviour for someone who (you say) loves his daughter.

Daddy loves you, but he is having trouble showing it right now. That is a difficult item to bring up - the age appropriate cause/reason/emotional turmoil stuff. However, that is world D4 is living in. “I love and miss Daddy. He should love and miss me too.” And when his actions don’t display that... It’s heartbreaking and D4 will need answers.

This is a difficult one to explain. Why is daddy having trouble showing his love right now? He sent her 2 gifts for Christmas, at least he showed her love in that way. And she's use to him not having contact for long periods of time, so maybe she'll just except that, this is just the way that it is. Daddy is somewhere that he isn't able to talk or video with you at the moment. But YOU are always in his Heart & Thoughts always. When he can reach out to you, he will. Know that YOU are in his Heart & Thoughts always.

A MLCer can become a terrible parent.

A little counterintuitive advice for you my friend.

“Unless he is in the hospital or jail, there no acceptable reason for him not contacting D4.”

It’s been over three year since my BD, and W/Mom threw so much away. The pain, torment, and h3ll of a mid life crisis is an acceptable reason.

Your right. When my BD happened, accepting XH behavior helped me move forward. I need to remind myself that this is his behavior and I can't change it. Thinking of his behavior as a mental sickness/ or addiction, helped me to come to terms a bit easier; helped me accept that he's on a different path, a different way of thinking. His way.

It’s your hurt and anger that makes his behaviour unacceptable. The process of grief leads to acceptance and forgiveness. The very “unacceptable and unforgivable reasons” will become forgivable and therefore acceptable. (Really it does happen.) The truth behind all of this: Those reasons and behaviours of our crisis spouse don’t change - we change.

True. When I speak to friends about my situation, they often ask why I'm not mad as h3ll. And I think the more I've talked with these friends, the more I've taken on their anger. After reading your post today, I responded to a friend in a different way, and used the example of XH having the traits of someone that isn't in their right mind or having an addiction. My friend, just like me, had a different view of XH, and it was an easier pill to swallow. A BIG difficult pill, but it goes down a little smoother.


Thanks again DnJ for always having such good advice. You are greatly appreciated.

Merry Christmas from our house to yours

CanBird & D4