Oh, the baking sound delicious. And eating cookies for breakfast. lol.
Originally Posted by cardinal
I thought I did pretty well at that, but then found myself struggling with a delayed wave of doubt and guilt a week or so after his "conversation." Could I really have done more after BD to show him I didn't want to lose him, did/do love him? His words got to me--his view that I didn't care enough, didn't love him enough. I know, though, no matter what else I would have done or said, he just wasn't in a place to see/hear/receive/believe any of it. Nor is he in that place now.
A little re-write for you:
Quote
I thought I did pretty well at that, but and then found myself struggling with a delayed wave of doubt and guilt a week or so after his "conversation."
The followup doubts and questions are normal. Could I have done more? Showed him more? Would it have made a difference?
H was/is in a place where he is unable to hear or receive any of that. His own emotionally pains are being projected upon you. He cannot handle his own emotions, so he throws them at you. “You didn’t care enough. Didn’t love enough.” Is actually about him - it is he that didn’t care or love enough. And he knows it and cannot face it.
A MLCer is torn apart. Desperate and full of despair. And they justify and blame their spouse. They have a lot of growing and healing to do, before they can look inward towards the actual source of their torment.
Whatever kernels of truth lay within his blame and justifications; deal with those. Become better. Grow and heal.
You cannot fight him directly. He isn’t even listening to himself. His view is what it is, for now. And you know better. Hang on to that. Believe that.
Merry Christmas my friend.
And if you have any “extra” baking, I like sweets at breakfast.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
