Still taking it a day at a time (2)

[SteveLW]

Steve, I think you're right about the defense mechanism. I have been thinking a bit though about what it takes to truly change. For the LBS, the BD can be the catalyst for change-- something big enough that rocks you to your core and allows you to examine your own behavior and beliefs in a way that you normally wouldn't be able to do. For you, being able to drop the defensiveness and realize how you were treating your wife and daughter was in fact abusive is enormous. (BTW, I really admire how you've worked on your R with your daughter-- that is really wonderful.)

Thanks. It still stings for me to think about it in that term, abuse. I'm deeply ashamed. In IC my C pointed out that I was parently to my W. And a vet here called me on treating my W like a child instead of a partner when I first posted here. My IC was very eye -opening to me about how I was perceived by both my W and D. The interesting part is I'm so much happier not being theguy I was! But it took IC for me to realize that I had been guilty of verbal and emotional abuse. Until then I was very defensive about it.