I think the combination of the anniversary of BD and Christmas has me reflecting quite a bit. I've been very open about my difficult relationship with my D17. In many ways my pre-BD behavior affected her as much, if not more, than my W. My 180s that I worked so hard to implement and cement took longer for her to embrace and trust than my W took. As recently as a year and a half ago she still had a lot of bitterness and resentment built up towards me. 2 years ago my W arranged some family counseling for us. While she was recommited to the MR, we both could tell my D was still struggling with letting go of the old me, and embracing the new. My D was very resistant to the counseling, and we didn't go for long, but the C did a good job of drawing her out a bit, and we both had a couple of vulnerable moments.

Slowly she started to trust that I had changed for the better, and that it wasn't a temporary change. Over the last year especially our relationship has become much better. It hit me yesterday how far it had come as I had some errands to run. She came downstairs as I was finishing getting ready and made it clear she wanted to go with me. We went and had a good time. Last night I was thinking about that and how two years ago that would not have occurred.

And I realized that DBing was a big part of that. One of the things I learned through my sitch was that listening and validating is as important in other relationships as it is in a MR. I've shared how it has served me well at work and with friendships. And it has had an impact with my R with my daughter. And while she required a long period of consistency in my changes, I believe the most profound change has been listening to her and understanding her viewpoint. Even if I don't agree with it.

Anyway, just more reflection about this three year journey. I wish so much I had been a better husband and father all along, but I'm thankful to God for the opportunity I was given to become better in those areas. I'm far from perfect which is why I keep my nose to the grindstone and keep working at it.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018