Thinking about meditating, I am not a skilled meditator by any means-- it is about all I can do to try to quiet my brain for a few minutes-- but I did travel to India last year and participate in a 10 day yoga/meditation program where we tried a whole bunch of different meditation practices. There was one called Antar Mouna that is about letting suppressed feelings rise and be acknowledged and felt and released. It was quite intense but I wonder if it could be helpful for you.
The other one I was thinking of for you is one I experienced through the Compassion Institute, called loving kindness. If you're explicitly working on forgiveness for you and your W, that might be one that is also helpful for you. A guided loving kindness meditation should be relatively easy to find, probably easier than antar mouna (I know a number of the meditation apps have a loving kindness practice) but I did a quick google search on antar mouna and there look to be some guided practices online that you can download for a small fee.
I don't know if this is helpful at all and I don't mean to be pushy. Just an idea, if meditation is helping, that perhaps there could be more benefit by exploring various practices there.
Thinking of you as we move into the holidays.
xx M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
