I’m definitely not afraid of no longer missing her. It feels more like the opposite; I wish i didn’t miss her. I wish I didn’t have the feelings. Today was another small step though; I went to church with the kids and she sat with us. At the sign of peace I reached to shake her hand and she gave me a cross look, I was annoyed but whatever.
In the way to our ski hill I felt feelings of anxiety related to the end of the marriage. I also recognized that i probably wouldn’t have been going skiing with the kids today if she was around. I took the kids skiing and didn’t think too much about her at all. Just enjoyed time with the kids.
My daughter needed to get some stuff at her house and I walked her to the door but stayed outside. My STBXW said I could come in instead of standing in the cold. We talked a little about the kids and then I left. I didn’t really have any sad or anxious or bad feelings when I left, which was good. The kids are doing well and seem happy. I would still like to reconcile but it’s not on me and it won’t be soon so I’ll just keep GALing.
Tomorrow I have a call with my DB coach which will be interesting. I’m curious as to what that conversation will look like at this time.
We are planning to celebrate Christmas together but she never answered any of the questions I had asked about what it would look like or where she would sleep - and as Steve pointed out it was funny that she didn’t answer those questions in the same email that she said we needed to communicate better. Whatever.
