Man your post really hurt to read. I feel for you man.
I worry for you and think you really need to make IC your focus right now. This whole situation is extremely toxic to you and your kids.
Steve, I don’t think you love your wife as much as you think you do. Let me explain.
Your W has cheated on you repeatedly with multiple men. She has also manipulated you into thinking it’s all your fault as well.
^^^ Do you truly love that person? Would you be proud to walk around with her on your arm if she were to come back?
Or are you in love with the fantasy you have in your mind that your W is loyal, loving, owns her faults, communicates with you etc?
I think your abandonment issues are triggered and your codependency issues are coming to light. You probably feel like you need your W like you need air to breathe, right? You even complement your W looks when she is actively sleeping with your “friend”.
My point is that you have a broken “people picker” Steve. You’ve picked a cluster B as your life partner and you are fighting tooth and nail to keep her in your life to inflict even more damage.
Steve, you can’t love someone else until you can love yourself. Again, focus on IC.
