Still taking it a day at a time (2)

[SteveLW]

I don't think I'm quite ready to make this determination yet, TBH. What he did in the past is still so raw to me and unlike what I thought he was capable of that I'm recalibrating all of that. And, he is too-- I don't know how he'll end up reconciling his own image of himself with his behavior. That's his work, though, not mine, and I feel like I'll see how that goes and where he ends up.
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I love love love this response! Answers like this is why I know you're going to be okay, May! I love that you're not trying to shortcut this or smooth over it. We tell LBSs all the time "you'll know they are back and ready to work on the marriage when their behavior is consistent over a long period of time! When pressed I usually say at least 6 months to a year. But maybe longer. It really depends on the couple, the situation and how egregious the actions were. I believe that infidelity causes emotional trauma, and that most cheated on spouses suffer from some form of PTSD to varying degrees.

And I like that you recognize that your still need time and he still has worn new has to do! That's awesome!!

I would highly suggest you lead by example and get back into IC. Work through your trauma. Maybe he'll see the necessity of his own IC, and eventually MC.