Still taking it a day at a time (2)

[may22]

oh LH, just to add-- those are his good qualities. They do exist. But they don't erase the other stuff-- just how self-centered, entitled, and weak a man needs to be in order to have done what he did. Maybe he was hurting b/c of the SSM and having some sort of mini MLC, which is what he's said to me. And I am actually pretty curious to see how he navigates the path of reconciling his own self-image and identity with that of a person who had a 2 plus year affair.

He isn't the kind of person who likes to admit he's done anything wrong, and the other significant major life events that have happened to him were things that happened to him, not things he caused himself (combat injury and stroke). He's a big believer in post-traumatic growth and truly believes that those experiences, especially the first, changed his life for the better because of how he dealt with them. He has said to me he's not sure he can ever consider the A to be 100 percent wrong because his psyche isn't built that way, he needs to be able to latch onto some positive outcomes from it, and points to these other experiences as examples. I think this one is different because he caused it himself, and because there was collateral damage (me, AP, potentially the children). Again, not my work, but obviously I have a vested interest in understanding how he ends up processing all of this-- if he does-- and if it means on the other side he's capable of being a better partner who doesn't cheat or lie.

I don't want to forget that side too as it is just as much of the truth of who he is as the positive side.