Still taking it a day at a time (2)

[may22]

Sage!! I'm so glad you went out to look at Christmas lights with your kids and it makes me so happy to think that I maybe had a little tiny hand in that joy.

One of the things I did early on in my sitch and I've held onto-- even sometimes need to remind myself to do it, too-- is to be more spontaneous. Say yes. I found I was so used to saying no, especially to the kids, that it was just habitual, almost. No, we have to get home and do homework. No, tonight's a school night. No, mommy had a long day at work and is tired. I started saying YES. If I couldn't think of a real reason to say no, I just said YES. In fact, have I ever told you about the day of yes? H went on a business trip in January and the girls and I did a staycation at a super fancy hotel (we'd won two nights in a silent auction). The hotel room had two bedrooms and a giant beautiful bathtub and all you could see out the windows was ocean. I told them we could have one full day of yes, when I would say yes to anything they asked. They didn't ask for anything unreasonable so it was easy-- but we lounged around in bathrobes and they took bubble baths and we watched movies and ate sugar cereal and I went in the pool every time they asked. Oh, it was so fun. (Pretty much it got down to what they wanted was my undivided attention and as much screen time as possible.)

Anyway, I just was glad to hear that you went and had fun. I feel like one of the things I lost over the past decade whether because of motherhood or work or whatever was my sense of spontaneity. Everything had to be planned or it didn't fit... and I wasn't always like that. (I mean I was sort of like that, but not to the extreme place it went.) So recapturing that ability to throw my plans out the door and delight in the moments is a gift.

In terms of my H's narrative... I hear you. I just am not totally sure he means it in the same way that I do. I think I'll just let it be, though, as you suggest. What he means by it, how it compares to how I think about it-- nothing to be done about it anyway, though. I think I'm just going to note it, as well as my own feelings on the subject, and revisit in January to see what it feels like then.

I have some thoughts to post on your thread but it is getting late! Maybe tomorrow! xx M