I don't think my WW wife will come back, (part of me hopes she does, but knows I cannot do anything about it anymore). I know one day Ill be okay with that. But its okay for me to hurt as long as I do it quietly and not around my kids. I shove it down and save it for my therapist. Whatever happens will happen, god has a plan for me. I just struggle with beating myself up for not DB'ing perfectly thinking that I did too much damage, But I tell myself she was the one that did the damage and If I never even tried to come here and read this stuff i probably would have done wayyy worse, (contacting OM, begging family to intervene, begging, buying gifts, grand gestures, fortunately I didnt do that stuff at least lol). I try to remind myself that this was her choice and leading me along was also her choice, I can only control my response to it and do better. I stopped trying to save my M, i know I will get divorced, she has always had that intention since filing. No point in fighting for someone who is happy destroying thier H and Kids and Family.
You don't want her back as she is, so I hope that you can get your head and heart around this. What helped me was being real about what I missed. It took time and it wasn't easy, but I started thinking about what I would NOT miss first.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but it sounds like fear of D is hurting you and I want so much to just say - it's not the end of the world. You have to find a way to operate above the emotions and just do the next right thing.
You will make mistakes, that's ok. You learn and adjust accordingly.
This isn't on you. She has an OM. She's acting out because her child is calling it what it is. She's defensive and attacking you because she can.
You are right. there is no point in fighting. You can stand for as long as you choose. You can give up at any time, but in the meantime, You don't need to fear any of her reactions/actions because she's already done the worst thing one can do to a spouse.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
