Yes, we all have negative personality traits, but I think my positive personality traits (thick-skinned, forgiving, self-deprecating, non-jealous, even-keeled, good natured, loyal) far outweigh my negative personality traits. On top of that I make really good money, I'm not addicted to drugs/alcohol, I'm a good father, etc. I think that is appealing to many women. It is to my GF.
Thanks for saying this. I thought my positives outweighed by negatives by at least 2:1, especially when comparing myself to other marriages of friends and family. My ex's sister is married to a very troubled fellow with volcanic anger problems and huge issues with self-esteem mostly because of an abusive father. Yet, this sister remains married to this (sorry, it's true) monster while she counsels her baby sister (my ex) to leave me! [Please, no one needs to respond to this point ... I still have to let hurt out once in awhile.]
Originally Posted by harvey
... she was also the one that wanted the huge house and fancy things, so we just couldn't afford for her to quit her job. At the time of our divorce, we were in the process of building a 5600 square foot house on a 2.5 acre lot in a gated community.
Did she keep the house? I assume you had no interest in it.
Originally Posted by harvey
I think of a relationship as a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces that you and your SO bring just have to fit right. My GF appreciates what I bring to the table much more than my XW, and my negatives don't bother her that much. My GF is kind of a procrastinator--like me.
This is a great point, Harvey, I'm going to remember this.
Originally Posted by harvey
At my age I'm not going to do much about my personality traits. The ones that affect relationships (lack of empathy) I work on. The rest are just who I am.
We should explore this a bit more. I know that my ex and I were very different people yet during our courtship we complemented each other very well. I filled in many pieces that were missing in her life. She liked that I was outgoing, bold, fearless, adventuresome, and passionate. Never at a loss for words. Made friends anywhere and everywhere. Analytical and logical. Yes, I have always been a little high strung but I would always, always back down if she thought I was being too dramatic. It worked well for so many years.
My negative traits will no doubt be found buried inside the positive ones.
