I received a LOT of advice. The problem with some of it was that it just wasn't practical. A lot of advice concerned "let the lawyers handle it". My attorney charges $300 per hour, so as much as it stunk sometimes, I would try and work with X or just let things go.
I don't regret this. I knew deep down (after careful thought and consideration) what I could live with and what (for my mental health) I had to simply let go of.
I didn't relent on the property settlement. I put my X through professional school and put up with a lot of crap. I did have to swallow a couple of things that he hid, but in the grand scheme it was worth the price, to me.
My dad said something that really helped:
"those things that you lose or leave behind will not change your life significantly".
I've only been in this apartment since late October, but I am glad I didn't take much. I have a very simple, peaceful existence here and have everything that I need. He kept the ranch and that was hard to leave but realistically, I couldn't take care of it on my own, nor could I have afforded it.
I am still mourning the loss of dream, but it has become profoundly more clear that I don't miss him, I miss who he could have been. I actually have my S19 to thank for that. I was crying one day and he came over unexpectedly. I've been honest with him and my other 2 sons and he asked what was wrong. I said "some days I just miss your dad. it's just part of it" and my son said "What do you miss, though? He didn't treat you right and he was not a good husband".
Big helpful thing for me was being realistic about my X while I was standing. I had to be honest about what I was willing to stand for and what I would accept from him long term.
When he didn't turn it around, I realized that I no longer wanted that life with him and I was able to find peace in my days. One prime example was going to a party and realizing that I was having fun and NOT seeing him flirting with the pretty young girl there. That was always a nightmare that I didn't realize how bad it was until I was free.
To anyone still reading that is going thought the early days, you will find joy. GAL, detach and spend time with yourself, honestly, and figure out what you want from this life. Detaching is a process, but the more you work toward that end, the clearer things become.
I'll keep posting hoping that my journey can help. Please let me know if you want any encouragement.
