Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - Part 3

[Rose888]

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

But is all of the above addressing my point, about restoring mutual respect? Doesn't respect go to the personal as well? Couples go 20 years and after awhile they don't respect each other anymore. Doesn't that have more to do with character and accomplishments and core self, and less to do with the above? I'm just canvassing for viewpoints here. Or is fixing the respect problem automatic when everything else is humming?

I'm not completely sure I understand what you mean about respect going to the personal. But I think in many cases, the loss of respect has nothing to do with personal accomplishments. It's all about the wear and erosion of all the annoying little habits we all have, coupled with an empty love tank. Who cares if your spouse is wildly successful in his job, if he's self-centered and only focused on his own wants? And this is about perception, so if your wife feels love through gifts of service, and you are showing love in physical touch, she isn't going to feel as if you care about her needs.

Now, I do think that lack of professional success can play into a lack of respect, but usually because of the effect it has on the man's esteem and the subsequent effect that reduction in self-esteem has on the man's behavior in the relationship rather than because a modern woman inherently can't respect a man who isn't at the top of his profession. (This might be different in a marriage that is entrenched in stereotypical gender roles.)

I think if you focus on being empathetic to your partner and putting their needs ahead of your own (while still being emotionally differentiated!), you are far less likely to face a loss of respect.