Do you think your ex would like Harvey 2.0? Would Harvey 2.0 have been good enough to keep the marriage intact, if she gave Harvey 2.0 a chance?
That's a good question. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it anymore, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about it.
Except for lack of empathy, I don't think my other negative personality traits would have affected my relationship that much. Yes, we all have negative personality traits, but I think my positive personality traits (thick-skinned, forgiving, self-deprecating, non-jealous, even-keeled, good natured, loyal) far outweigh my negative personality traits. On top of that I make really good money, I'm not addicted to drugs/alcohol, I'm a good father, etc. I think that is appealing to many women. It is to my GF. She also thinks I'm great in bed.
I do think women are much better at empathy and listening, generally, and I think it's probably the number one thing for most men need to work on. Women do not want us to fix things. They want us to understand where they are coming from and to truly emphasize with it. I cannot stress this enough. My XW made quite of bit of money (six figures) and she worked from home 5 days/week. I always made a bit more, but I thought the working from home made it an ideal job. Yet, she hated her job. Instead of empathizing, I tried to tell her that she was fortunate to make the money she did and work from home. To be fair to me, she was also the one that wanted the huge house and fancy things, so we just couldn't afford for her to quit her job. At the time of our divorce, we were in the process of building a 5600 square foot house on a 2.5 acre lot in a gated community.
The way I look at it now. You need to find the right person. Somebody who appreciates what you bring to the table. I don't think my XW did that. I brought a lot of good, but what I brought apparently wasn't that important to her. What I bring seems more important to my GF.
I think of a relationship as a jigsaw puzzle. The pieces that you and your SO bring just have to fit right. My GF appreciates what I bring to the table much more than my XW, and my negatives don't bother her that much. My GF is kind of a procrastinator--like me. My XW was a go getter. She wanted me to run for the school board and things like that. My life was hectic enough that I didn't have the energy outside of family, work, running our daughters around, etc. to get involved in that kind of stuff. I once told my wife that I'd be happy with my job until I retired. I made great money, retirement was set up nicely. I work for an airline, so I had great travel benefits. She felt like I should strive for more. I think she preferred guys that strived for power. Her BF owns his own company--building houses. He's also the type of guy that probably sits on a school board and such. My GF says he's much uglier than me, but he's a go getter.
At my age I'm not going to do much about my personality traits. The ones that affect relationships (lack of empathy) I work on. The rest are just who I am. However, I think the links that AS or R2C post about what women want are things to look into. I have found them extremely useful. It basically comes down to women want good guys that have a little bad boy in them. They want alpha and beta. Many men lose their alpha in a long relationship. Their focus goes on raising their children--not on making their wife's feet curl. Don't lose that in your relationship.
