Wondering why I'm acting differently all of the sudden and being "quiet?" I disagree. This is foreign to her. Now, she might not care too much, but she's definitely thinking something is up.
I understand why you feel like "I'm busy" isn't enough of an answer, and in fact might come off to her as you being rude to her. Personally I think a better response is "I feel like we both need some time and space from each other to think about things." Because that is the truth even if it may not be what you want, that IS what she wants, and that is a response she can respect.
Originally Posted by SaltyDog
The thing is I've stopped snooping but she still leaves obvious breadcrumbs. She told me she had stopped Tinder but I don't think she realizes a green icon pops up next to your name if you've been active within 24 hours. Back before I deleted the app, it was obvious she hadn't stopped. Going through the bank statements, which I always have done because I've gotten screwed in the past with false charges, and seeing charges for other dating sites. Amazon popping up "recently viewed" items that I didn't look at and are obviously not gifts for me. Etc. I feel like I can call her on a lot of activities without even snooping. The other thing is I can't prove anything about the OM, other than it's completely obvious, because I haven't snooped. All signs point to it, but there's no smoking gun. There are smoking guns of being on dating sites, for sure, and that is enough for me to call out though. The real sad thing is if she's on dating sites AND with OM. Jesus.
A lot of us get hung up wondering whether the WAS is having an affair or not, or multiple affairs or whatever. Snooping rarely gives you any answers, it just causes more confusion because you see all these little bits and pieces and you don't know what to make of it. The advice I usually give on this is if you really have to know, then hire a PI and find out once and for all. I'd say the chances are very good you are not going to like what the PI discovers, but maybe you need that to help you detach and move on.
I went about it a little differently, I asked myself "would I still stand for my M if I absolutely knew she was having an A" and I decided that I would indeed. I know it's a deal-killer for a lot of people but it wasn't for me. Neither of us were anywhere close to being virgins when we got married so it seemed like a forgivable offense. Once I came to the conclusion that I would still stand, then it no longer mattered to me whether she was having an A or not. I basically assumed the worst- yes she is having an A, and I acted accordingly. It was actually a huge weight off my shoulders, one less thing to worry about. To this day (nearly 10 years later) I still don't know if she was having an A or not!
