This thread has been really great. Got me to thinking about why my LDH is a LDH. I don't think it's P/A or controlling behavior. He just isn't interested. He's said in the past that this thing or that thing would work better to arouse him, but in fact, I don't see any greater statistical probability of him getting aroused when I do those things. And I, like so many of you, just feel resentful and frustrated that I've done the things he's asked and I feel like I'm begging.
The "set one day aside each week" for ML sounds like such a good idea to me, but the H won't be anything but "spontaneous."
BTW, I know I can get him to ML if I really persist, he'll comply out of a sense of duty and then he'll say he was glad we did it. That's sort of our pattern. However, as the years go by (we're in year 11), my success rate is dropping steadily (but not my libido).
And I can say with certainty, that if I gave him massages and neck rubs as often as he wanted, we would never ML ever. He would be perfectly content with massages indefinitely, I believe. (Might test that out and let you all know the results. If I'm going to go the celibate route myself, there's no reason to withhold the backrubs from him.)
Of course, every six months he'll probably want sex, too. Or maybe every three months. At any rate, what I'll miss is the way sex can play such a fun role in day to day life - even if I'm not having sex every day or even every four or five days, I still enjoy thinking about it. I do NOT enjoy, however, thinkig about it for six months...
