I have to tell you that I just love listening to you all conversing.
My H has been very HD for a long time, but now that I'm ready and willing, he's slowing down dramatically. It's as if he likes the challenge (as much as I do) and when I'm "easy" he doesn't want me as badly. What's up with that? Maybe the ow is still around?
Do you think you'd want it as much if you had all the sex you could handle all the time? Or is there a certain challenge in trying to seduce that makes it more of a turn on?
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
Mellanie I know what you mean exactly that has been my thought for sometime maybe if I was a little harder to catch my H would like the thrill of the chase. I wonder if maybe by being so willing it is a turn off.. My problem is following through with it.. ;-)
My H's affair really got my attention. Isn't that perverse?
I DO NOT advocate you having an affair-definitely not a good choice, but Michele suggests a 180 for us-would it work for you? Try all sorts of non-sexual touching, shoulder rubs, foot massage, rubbing feet in bed, but only feet, fluffing his hair, but stop at that. I don't know. I just remember my H would come home and I would be up to my elbows in dirty dishes and he would grab me by the butt or breasts and think he was being charming. I would rather have had a kiss on the cheek or a "hello honey, I missed you" or hug, not just going for the goods, ya know? Start small and work your way up to the good stuff. Would he like it if instead of saying "hello" I would just grab him by the crotch? Maybe the first time, but the novelty would wear off pretty soon I think.
Who knows. If everyone in the world was just rolling around having sex all the time, who would get any work done? What would the wars be about? Sex, probably.
Still love listening in.
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
This thread has been really great. Got me to thinking about why my LDH is a LDH. I don't think it's P/A or controlling behavior. He just isn't interested. He's said in the past that this thing or that thing would work better to arouse him, but in fact, I don't see any greater statistical probability of him getting aroused when I do those things. And I, like so many of you, just feel resentful and frustrated that I've done the things he's asked and I feel like I'm begging.
The "set one day aside each week" for ML sounds like such a good idea to me, but the H won't be anything but "spontaneous."
BTW, I know I can get him to ML if I really persist, he'll comply out of a sense of duty and then he'll say he was glad we did it. That's sort of our pattern. However, as the years go by (we're in year 11), my success rate is dropping steadily (but not my libido).
And I can say with certainty, that if I gave him massages and neck rubs as often as he wanted, we would never ML ever. He would be perfectly content with massages indefinitely, I believe. (Might test that out and let you all know the results. If I'm going to go the celibate route myself, there's no reason to withhold the backrubs from him.)
Of course, every six months he'll probably want sex, too. Or maybe every three months. At any rate, what I'll miss is the way sex can play such a fun role in day to day life - even if I'm not having sex every day or even every four or five days, I still enjoy thinking about it. I do NOT enjoy, however, thinkig about it for six months...
