Walk Away Spouse Fits My Ex-Wife to a "T" - Part 3

[may22]

Brene Brown is great. She has some great TED talks too if you want a quick intro. Also, given the conversation on this thread on the relationship between love, sex, and desire, I'd recommend Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity. (She also has a couple of TED talks.)

And read what you like! I'm not in charge of your reading list! You are!

Finally, I'm going to make a recommendation-- maybe it would be helpful to stay away, for a time, from blanket statements or generalities, even if they're couched with some bits of wiggle room (heard from someone else, in some situations, etc.). I actually believe that one of the things that having strong empathy and respect for individuals will give you is that while we all share the same human experience-- and there are so many things that can bring us together-- there are also so many many different ways that different people approach the world. This diversity is a beautiful thing.

Taking the time to understand what it is that makes one person tick in a slightly different way from the next person is empathetic and respectful. Every human being wants to be known for who they are. I think when you start dating again, rather than assuming that a 50 year old woman is looking for X or Y, or will behave in a certain way because you heard it somewhere that most women of that age do whatever... throw that all away. Take the time to be genuinely curious and learn what it is that piques her interest, what she loves, what she dislikes-- museums or sporting events or a good book. And when the time is right to get to know each other intimately, take the time to understand her here as well-- what turns her on, what turns her off, how does she like to be touched, how context matters. And be open with her about your needs and desires as well. LISTEN to her, both what she says verbally and what her non-verbal cues tell you... and then respect what she says.

Just my two cents.