So I responded (you all knew I would!) but at least I waited 9 hours FWIW. I just said that yes we had a good time and within a minute she responded "cool!" and that's been it. She went and liked all the photos I've put on Facebook of me and the boys.
Definitely feeling more defeated this morning. Just had a nice little breakdown but luckily the kids are all asleep. More and more I wake up to the fact that things are really bad and going to get worse. I was in denial with the way she would be so nice to me and reach out to me, but she was just pitying me. So now I'm moving more into the angry phase I guess. I'm also really wondering if it is worth it. Because right now in some ways I don't think so, but in other ways I can't imagine it not working out. Got me wondering - how many people around here who have reconciled went on to live happily ever after? Or was it just a temporary fix and eventually things took their course? It seems like most are in the "I'm divorced now but happier than ever camp" which is both frightening and encouraging at the same time. I'm just wondering how long do I continue this before I realize I'm torturing myself for no good reason and instead just be the one to end it.
Salty, it is within your power to pull the plug and go file for D yourself anytime. We tell LBSs that all the time. I encourage you to do that once you reach the point where you are okay with being D, are tired of waiting for your WAS, and decide you want to move on with your life. But not before. And certainly not as a ploy to try to "wake her up".
But yes, there are a lot of posters here that ended up D'd and went on to happiness post D. But it is because they did the work of focusing on themselves, GAL, 180ing and becoming the best version of themselves they can be, and detaching and learning to be happy by yourself. Those that try to short cut that usually do not stay around because they are miserable.
But we also have a group of people that went on to save their MR, but they that group tends to leave the board. Occasionally we get updates from them, as we just recently did from a former poster that did end up saving his MR. A lot of people come here in crisis, but once the crisis is past, either way, they tend to leave the board.
The key here is Salty that whether you save your MR, or you don't. Your happiness is your own responsibility! That is why R2C always says to never stop DBing! Even if you save your MR, you continue to GAL, to improve yourself, and to be healthily detached (some call it self-differentiation, you can google self-differentiation in marriage). The gift we all go on BD was to be awakened and to stop sleep-walking through life! I know my life since the middle of 2018 has been way better than it was prior to BD. That is the one dirty little secret most LBS refuse to face. More than likely they were pretty miserable themselves before the D bomb got dropped on them.
Only you know when the time is right to pull the plug, but you will know it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
