Need advice on stubborn W

[AKuei]

Journaling

Recently went for a keyhole surgery for my right knee and as a result I'm more home-bound than ever. W took over the job of sending and fetching the kids with my car and she also decided to work from home for the time being.

I couldn't bring myself to get her to do things so eventually I still cook for the kids from time to time and also did some chores (I prolly did 30% lesser overall). While she was at home and when I was seated at the dining table eating my lunch she would talk about things happening from work. Validated the sheet out of it and didn't offer any advice because I assumed she didn't need any.

I was due to visit the doctor for a follow up last tuesday and she said she would drive me there but the night before she told me to get my brother to send me over because she had a meeting to attend. I just said sure and I went by my own instead of troubling my brother. No biggie and in fact, i found a coin purse on the road while walking which contain loose change. Turned out that coin purse was an expensive one; a hermes! It had no owner details so unfortunately I couldn't return it to owner. Talk about finders keepers! And that set me thinking; things turned out better than expected! I was a bit bummed out by her last minute change of plans but that coin purse taught me to look for positivities! And it paid off! But then again, it's a ladies coin purse. I have no use for it, haha.

Back to the W, she didn't bring up S or moving out at all, and she seems contented with the status quo. I, on the other hand am just waiting around for the inevitable. At times, it seems unbearable but it's a passing phase. I let it run through me and feel that emotion in that moment. It went away quickly and I was back to doing my own things.

I think I've more or less settled about my situation. If it happens, it happens. The lack of intimacy can really take a toll on you. I'm just putting in all my attention to my kids and myself. I hope I can keep the engine running because like all the vets here say; it's a marathon, not a sprint.

Looking forward to a less craappy 2021 I guess!