For a long time I felt shame over the way I handled his affair. I was needy and chasing and desperate to fix it all. Now I give myself a break. I was in absolute trauma and everything I *knew* to be true was blown up. It's given me an opportunity to learn how to value myself and connect with myself.
100% on all points. I wish we could sit down one day and talk about this! I’m 6-7 years down the road. Things will continue to change, evolve and eventually make more sense. I dont have regrets anymore. And I was a disaster — I think people here would be shocked to know what I did when I learned about the A and then after he left me for her. I did the unthinkable! It’s almost funny, but its not.
Today, I don’t have the same mindset because I have healed. That is who I was and that is what I did. By bringing forward my most ugly self, I have also been given the gift of insight and understanding. I have had to look into that darkness and really dig deep. I have healed myself from passed wounds that otherwise were so easy to hide. I’m a much stronger and happier person now. So are my relationships. So I cannot pick and choose what part of my history to keep or erase, it’s all still there, but I can certainly change my perspective on how I view it.
Blu
Completely and totally! I am such a different person now. Thankfully . And to your above post, the OW in my case is very attractive on the outside...seems to be a power woman and is very flirtatious with men. She makes them feel very good which in turn gives her attention and makes her fee good. What I have watched is that women and men think she's great for about a year and then the cracks start showing. The reality. The manipulation, the fakeness, the controlling behaviors and power plays. I have watched that process. Except for my H of course, who decided to just have an A. Eyeroll. It was hard for both of them because they are both very much into image. Looking like the ultimate "good person," family person, religious person, etc. They did a lot to cover it up so that no one would find out.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
