You are correct, Steve, she wasn’t a “friend” at all. I do think that the double betrayal is sooooo deeply painful for anyone tho. For years, I saw her (or spoke with her, texted her, etc) several times a week. We had dinner with our families every Friday night and took family vacations. We cared for one another’s children and they trusted us like aunts/ uncles. Our “friendship” was a very big part of my day to day life. I shared things with this woman about my own marriage ....
So to find out my H was having an A with her was beyond hurtful, it was also confusing and humiliating! It was my own history being rewritten before my eyes. I Also lost an additional person I thought was a friend and we need those people for support when our M falls apart. It was so raw and complicated and I started to question everything I thought I knew about myself and my relationships with people around me. My Hs A wasn’t an invisible person I could choose to ignore.
I’m not sure if Oceangrl had a similar experience but I do imagine it was hard and confusing.
Blu
Oh Blu. I feel this so much. There is this certain crazy-making pain involved with this. One day, you *think* you're life is pretty normal. And then you find you are on Planet Crazy, where nothing is certain and you can't count on anyone or anything. I have felt like I cannot figure out what is real and what is true. It took me a couple years to decide that I would be friends with women again. That I couldn't let her ruin that for me. It traumatized me so much. We too went on girls trips together and I told her things about my life and marriage while they were in a relationship. Confusing and humiliating is such a good description. I felt so stupid. Our kids had relationships together, we did holidays together. It is sick sick sick. To have my husband tell me right after that she was his best friend and so much more. Ugh. Puke.
The only positive about it I would say, and that's reaching, is that because I knew her I couldn't romanticize her. Like a made-up person who has everything I didn't. In his twisted eyes, she did have wonderful things. But I knew the truth that she was just a regular person with pros and cons. I was actually younger and more attractive. But she has a really strong personality she likes (ironically, he criticizes my strong personality, but since when did affairs make any sense?).
My heart goes out to you, and you truly know what it is like. Thank you for sharing with me.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
