Context: Prior to the separation, we had talked about having Christmas at my house. We had not talked about it at all, and then this email exchange occurred over the last week. We had told the kids at the separation that we would celebrate Christmas together.
First Email from STBX:
We need to talk about Christmas at some point. I didn't book a flight cuz of the COVID exposure and I really don't think it's the best decision right now. I don't want them to have to quarantine again and they are still advising not getting together with extended family. I plan to ask the kids about it this weekend. If we don't go, I would like to use my week with the kids at some point to go visit my parents when COVID is under control whether that is spring break or this summer. With that being said, the plan was to try and spend Christmas eve and Christmas Day together, the four of us correct? We need to discuss what that looks like. Gifts - I have bought some stuff and was thinking we were giving gifts together this year so I will create a spreadsheet of what I have bought and we can discuss. Are you planning on getting gifts just from you? I think we should be consistent on this.
My response: You are correct on Christmas eve and day. The office is empty and if you would like to bring over your blow up mattress, we could do that or you can sleep in daughters bunk or son's bed. I’ll plan meals.
If you create a spreadsheet of gifts and who they are from I can wrap on 12/23. I believe the Santa paper is at my house. I can’t remember who gets which color. I am not planning on giving gifts just from me, I am planning on them being from us. What were you thinking in terms of the flow for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?
STBXW Response back: I talked to the kids about going to my parents. Son didn't give me much and said he didn't care if we went or not. Daughter, without me giving my opinion, said she didn't think we should go because she doesn't want to expose Grampy and she doesn't want to quarantine again. This is obviously a very difficult decision for me. If it wasn't for COVID, we would be going. You didn't respond if I could move my week with my parents to spring break or this summer. If I don't use my week at Xmas, do I lose it? Also, the kids mentioned you are planning some snowboarding trips. I guess I am confused because I thought we were taking COVID pretty seriously and maybe we need to talk about what that looks like. If you are going to be traveling with the kids it makes it hard for me to do the "right" thing by not traveling to my parents for Xmas.
As for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...why is it assumed it is at your house? Are you thinking Christmas eve Mass, dinner, Christmas morning open presents and breakfast? Then what? I looked up Mass times Christmas Eve: 3 pm and 5:30 pm.
I would like to be able to wrap the presents. Can I come over when you aren't there and just wrap them in the basement? Or can you put them in the garage and I will come get them and bring them back here to wrap? Yes, the Santa paper is there.
Thoughts on my response? I did want to try and give the kids a "normal" as possible Christmas with the whole family. And again, initially she said we would do this at my house - if I go back to her with anything that looks like me making the decision or influencing the decision she will chalk it up to me "gaslighting" and manipulating her again.
