May, thank you. Appreciate your wisdom and your thoughtful and detailed posts. I think reading your posts, and speaking with my friend, are really good for me. It helps me to see my sitch from a different lens and challenges me to be more openminded. Have you read Ovrnbows threads? I think their process has been quite different as well — I don’t think his W started recon by being remorseful and owning her mistakes, rather they have slowly worked on their issues over time, and then he grew to trust her.

wayfarer, thank you for the book rec! Perhaps I need a step by step guide and not only to focus on understanding why/ where the reactions come from. I will purchase that today. And I agree with you that any long term R is complicated and challenging at times. I think for me, I have the additional challenge of not allowing my feelings about our BD time to creep into every argument and become the automatic wired response! It’s very strange how powerful those emotions feel even tho I know they are irrational and not productive.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela