If we do a survey about all the WASs, WWs and MLCERs, I’m pretty confident we’ll find that they all had common personality traits way before BD.
If I were to take a guess, I’d say these traits would include:
- A certain level of selfishness - Inability to take responsibility for their mistakes - Blaming others for their shortcomings - Never apologizing - Poor communicator - Hiding their emotions - A certain level of immaturity - Dependent - Low self esteem (that could manifest in different ways...) - A certain level of narcissistic behaviour
I'd be careful with this. There are a lot of layers, complexities and dynamics that go into these situations. It is easy to look back and try to define all of this and fit people into neat boxes. One of the things I have learned is that people do not fit into nice boxes. We sometimes want them to because it makes us feel safer. It makes us feel secure. It makes us feel in control. "If only I had noticed X, Y, and Z before we got married!" The problem is that for many of us, our WWs were completely different people from our Ws! I can vouch for this in my own sitch. My W is nothing like she was when she was a WW. Before and after! While WW she displayed many of the characteristics of your list. Before and since, none of that.
However, I do think your point overall is a good one. One of the problems we see in our society (societies?) today is a rush to get married. People meet. They have that "in love", limerence feeling. "I can't imagine spending another second of my life without this person!" Within months, sometimes mere weeks, they are engaged. And they rush down the aisle to a lifelong commitment, only to wake up at some point after the wedding realizing that the person they just committed their life to is someone that they don't and didn't know very well at all!! This is why I am advocate of not getting engaged for at least a year, and not getting married for at least two years. That's right, 2 years of dating, minimal! But I realize I am old-fashioned and in the minority.
Marriage is hard enough without rushing into it. And often people that rush into it are the same ones to rush out of it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
