Your STBXW will wake up one day. She will realize the new guy isn't all that. She will realize what she threw away. She will realize that it cost her so much. Her kids will one day look at her and realize she was the reason for the marriage and the family breaking up. Deep down she will be miserable again, and looking externally for something to "make" her happy. She IS to be pitied just like you said because she has pain, anguish and unhappiness in front of her for a long time.
LH's response to me earlier along the lines of "if you needed a Tinder date to feel good about yourself, you're in big trouble" is what is sticking in my mind. The fact she's turning to those places to find "happiness" is just sad. I felt sad when I'd go on there out of spite and I felt like an idiot during my date because I knew I wasn't ready or up for that. She's a very intelligent person, and if she's thinking that's where happiness is then it shows she isn't really thinking these days.
