I'm thinking there actually is a third option besides being clueless or passive aggressive. It might be that our LD spouses are frightened by their lack of arousal. Maybe if I take my shirt off in front of my H, he knows that I want sex and he isn't passive aggressively waiting for me to demand it, maybe he's just uncomfortable because he knows the appropriate response is arousal but he's just not feeling it. This could be true of HPs husband with the sofa sich or any number of the situations involving the LD wives.
I think this might be true because if I were to take it up a notch and start touching my breasts there is a better chance that my H might get on board and HP's H tells her that he might get on board if she grabbed him or verbalized her desire. There might be something similar going on with the LD women when they tense up. For instance, Tim's wife might be thinking "Tim is fondling my breasts. I know this should be arousing, but I'm not really aroused. What is wrong with me?" and at that point she tenses up.
If this theory is true then once an LD guy has a hard-on, there should be no problem and this is true in my situation. With an LD woman it would be trickier, because a woman could mentally feel unaroused even if she obviously was physically.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
