Life goes on

[kiro]

It has been 10 months since I logged in to this forum. Here is a quick update of my story:

It has been now 3 years and a half since ExW's BD. Our D was final a year and a half ago.

I met an amazing woman summer 2019 and we got married this summer.

My ExW remarried too. I think it's the same guy she had an affair with, but I am not 100% sure and don't really care. I had tried to be in good terms with her for about 2 years after BD, but at some point I got tired and decided to avoid any contact with her. For the past year and a half, we only text if there is something important to share about the kids.

At times, I still wonder about what could have been if my 1st marriage had continued. To this day, I cannot truly understand why my ExW acted the way she did. But I accept the fact that people are different and that we all have free choice.

Divorce is definitely one of the most difficult experiences one can go through. Sometimes, I feel that I aged more than 10 years in the past 3.5 years. But I have also learned so much in the process. Overall, I think I have become a better person.

My message to the people who are still going through the difficult phase is that life does go on at some point. Life becomes normal again. You can be happy again and you can find love again whether it's with the same person or a different person.

Things will change and your life won't be the same anymore. But you don't necessarily need to fight the change because it can bring good things in your life.

I don't know how I will feel about my ExW 5 years from now, but for now I decided to keep her out of my life. I don't know whether I forgave her or not. I think it depends on the days. But more and more she becomes part of the past and I don't really think about her or about what happenned.


What is also really important is to regain your individuality and to know that the only thing that you truly controls is yourself. You can't control your spouse or anyone else. Know yourself and know your principles. Be a good loving person but don't be a pushover.

I once read something like that: That you should be the captain of your own life. If someone wants to come on board, you greet them, you treat them well, and you take care of them. But if they don't want to, you let them go. This is very true.

If your spouse doesn't appreciate who you are, they are not worth it.

And you may end up finding a much better person who truly loves you for who you are like I have. I have found a woman who truly loves me and appreciates who I am. An I love her back, respect her and appreciate her. In the 17 years of my 1st marriage, I had never felt truly loved or appreciated. But I didn't really know any better and had got used to it.