Scout's Emancipation

[Rita]

I also almost told this story but didn't... I know a woman whose husband cheated on her and left her (weirdly very similar circumstances to mine-- H traveled a lot for work, younger woman, long distance affair, two young kids) and apparently he said to her during BD that if only she'd worn nicer clothes around the house, not just yoga pants all the time, maybe he wouldn't have cheated. I found this so ridiculously gross that I told my H who also found it ridiculously gross and now we joke about wearing nice pants all the time. Even my lying cheating H thinks that is sexist and stupid.)

You might find this shocking, but I don't really agree on that. Of course any H must love his wife no matter what pants she is wearing, and that's no reason to leave anyone. I have only one boob left and certainly would not expect that to influence my H's love.

But that said, I do think a lot of women get casual about that stuff, and I think it can make a man feel taken for granted. Why not dress up for him when he is coming home? Would you want him to stop showering because you are just both around the house? I've been alone for many many years and I really long for that feeling of dressing up for a man, even if it's just to put on some eye make-up to meet him at the post office and to see the ol' flame in his eyes. Looking back now, I realize that my H wasn't interested in me for years, because I did try to look nice for the most part and not take that stuff for granted but I don't think he noticed me. I'm not sure he ever really did, but that's another story. I do think a lot of women take their men for granted, I see this all the time with my friends, and I think that men do want to feel that you do want them to feel the flame all these years later just as you did when things were new.

Reminds me of Beyonce's "Hold Up" where she is remembering that she did try to keep it sexy but it wasn't enough.

Something don't feel right because it ain't right
Especially comin' up after midnight
I smell your secrets, and I'm not too perfect
To ever feel this worthless
How did it come down to this? Scrolling through your call list
I don't wanna lose my pride, but I'ma .... me up a ......
Know that I kept it sexy, you know I kept it fun
There's something that I'm missing, maybe my head for one

[Refrain]
What's worst, lookin' jealous or crazy? Jealous or crazy?
Or like being walked all over lately, walked all over lately
I'd rather be crazy

And that was BEYONCE! So I don't think it is EVER our fault. But I do think it's a way to show love and respect to your man because you WANT to make him feel cherished.