What's New Today pt2

[Rita]

I was wondering-- because you are now Ded, whatever agreement you make with your ex to buy him out of the house is now just between the two of you, right? A judge won't have to sign off on it? (Gerda, do you know?)

The agreement is there to try to come to a peaceable solution and avoid court.

But it sounds to me like it was a very vague agreement that leaves you open to a lot more BS.

Basically, in order to make you do anything, Dear Lad is going to have to take you to court.

He can't force you to do anything that isn't on that paper.

Does it say, "if" you both agree?

Well guess what, you don't agree!

You can present your case to a judge. Here's what I would do. And keep in mind, this is way down the line. Between now and then, you can keep chiseling away at H's resolve, looking for gradual buy out options and suggesting them to him.

Can's script: Judge, if I sell, I will have this much left. Here are the comps in our area. As you can see, I won't be able to afford a place nearby and our D will have to leave all that is familiar to her after suffering the trauma of losing her dad and seeing her family broken up. Judge, I also only receive X in child support. I agreed to that low amount because I knew I could cover D's housing with our rentals. I can't cover her housing without those rentals, and my own wages will not be sufficient. Judge, I ask the court to allow our D to remain in her home until she goes to college. I am willing to cover the mortgage as long as I get a dollar-for-dollar credit for the payments I make toward principal. Judge, I am also willing to give H a downpayment of $25,000 off his future equity share, which I can finance through a private loan, so that he can set up his new place.

Let's suppose the judge doesn't agree even after you show a ton of comps and what nearby co-ops would require. Then the judge might order you to sell. You can then appeal or delay or whatever you want.

It's basically about how much stomach you have for making H wait.

But what I would really suggest is that you do something drastic, like dividing your house up so that you can rent out a portion of it, or moving into the rental, and that way you can also show the judge how hard you are working to provide a stable home for your child and to preserve the status quo for her. Tell the judge that you have recently returned to work and that H has to give you a few years at least to establish your income enough to take over the mortgage and refinance.

And remember, H has to take you back to court for this. It will take a LOOOOOOOONG time. Send him a really good solid offer that gives him some money down and the rest slowly over time. You can also then show the judge how hard you tried to work out something reasonable so that you could continue to preserve the status quo for your child, and judge, let me remind you, our child doesn't even get to see or talk to her father. I am honored to have sole responsibility, judge, but I need time to be able to provide for her by myself if H is not going to ensure that her housing is taken care of.

Make sure any buy out offers you make are based on appraisal, and that's that. If he starts getting paid out of his equity, he can't take a later price on the house. The buy out is on the price at the time of the appraisal. You could even offer him 1% to hold his share as a private equity line, and you are paying him instead of a bank for the refinance.