My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 7

[ovrrnbw]

Wow, now that’s an update!!! Congratulations on your growing relationship with W and on your new family in the making. What a blessing!

Now I think you know that I have 3 Ds (22, 16 and 10 yo). My number one rule with parenting advice is “dont give unsolicited parenting advice. Ever.” Why? Because just like in M, the more you know the more you realize what you don’t know! It is an ever changing process, esp as the become teens and adults.

But since you asked ..... I will :-))) My girls could not possibly be any different — in their personalities, their interest and who they are deep in their cores. I do not believe their similarities or their differences are attributed to their genders. In fact I think that’s one of the biggest mistakes we as parents, and as a culture, make the moment children are born. We assume that because someone is born with a particular s3x organ that they should be loved a certain way and that they prefer certain things, and we project that onto them. That boys will like blue, hunting and that we value them being strong or athletic. That girls will like pink, and dolls and are valued for being gentle or kind.

I would challenge you, and any parent, to take all of these preconceived stereotypes and chuck them all in the trash. Gender is only one of many parts to who we are as people. Get to know, love and cherish this little human for who they are. Watch, listen and learn first. Dont assume anything and challenge your own biases. As you get to know them, accept them for who they really are. That is what love truly is. Similar to how we love our S — for who they are, not for how we wish them to be. Parenting is not about bringing out the best in your child, its creating a place in the world so that they can safely be the best version of themselves.

You will be a wonderful dad!
Blu

My W is a girly girl who followed your line of thinking. She helped her dad fix stuff, is a greater shooter, went hunting with her dad, played softball at a high level, worked her butt off on our venue doing all the manual labor with the men. But she still has a degree in fashion, loves design, and can totally embrace her feminine side. I really like that confidence to be comfortable in your own skin. That's what I want for my child. W's sister is 75% opposite of my W. Grew up in the same house though.

I compare it to my upbringing. I was raised in suburbia, I enjoy some parts of the big city and some parts of rural life. I'd see guys trying to be the most country and just laugh. The country guys all laugh and make fun of some of the things I like but that's A OK with me. I like drinking wine and eating well and being well read. But I still like boats, hunting, and building gigantic fires. I'm perfectly fine with enjoying the parts that are suited to me and not worried about conformity if I don't like it.

Also, when I was coaching I really did learn how different kids can be and it is pretty fascinating. I'm really pumped up for kids of my own.