Oceangrl: Update on MR and LRT sitch

[Oceangl]

Wow AS, what a story!! And what a woman. That is clearly one of the best case scenarios, but like you and Steve said, how long can you wait?

Sometimes I think I can. Sometimes I feel like a doormat.

Steve I am inspired by your journey also. Did you have any time frame in your mind?

I go back and forth. I am in my mid-forties, and I don’t want to waste time on someone who resents me. I feel like he has shame and issues, and his pattern is that it is my fault. If I were different, or didn’t ever trigger him everything would be fine. But he has to learn how to handle his own feelings. I have come SO FAR in four years. Before I was more emotional and would fly off the handle. I am pretty calm now and try to handle my own feelings as well. I also don’t want a loveless, sexless marriage.

My biggest goal to figure out right now is how do I honor myself and set boundaries while also staying w him. For example, we sleep in the same bed, but sleeping is all the action going on there. Should I ask him to go to a different bedroom? He asks me to take him to the airport and pick him up. Should I keep doing that? These are the boundaries I am trying to figure out. I don’t want to be taken for granted, but I do want to be my best self.

I am pretty sure he is not involved w anyone else. But it doesn’t seem normal for him to refuse sex for a year. I don’t know what to think about that.

Our therapist has an assignment for us to write three things we need from the other for the holiday season, and three things we can give to them. I am totally empty on this. I don’t know what I need from him. I’ve worked hard to need nothing. Expect nothing. My H mumbled it doesn’t have anything to do with our relationship. I said I think it just depends on what you need. I am so determined to enjoy Christmas with my kids.

My 25th anniversary is in May. We never talk about it or plan for it, of course. So sad.
Thanks for your advice here. I feel like these boards are one of the only places where someone really gets what you’re doing through.