Trust your instincts. Some really good couple friends of ours, about 14 years ago she had an affair on him. She was going on business trips, and went to visit her parents, before he knew about the PA. He found out later the business trips were not business, it was her AP and her going on vacation together. And the trip to visit her parents was to introduce her AP to them (she told her parents that her and our friend were getting a D, he didn't even know she was cheating!).
I don't say all that to scare you but to get you to buttress yourself against it.
Yeah, at this point the ONLY thing that is going to surprise me is if she didn't actually do something while down there or that it wasn't an excuse. The hard part is going to be keeping my cool when we do talk and being detached. I got quite a few things I'd LIKE to say.
Originally Posted by Steve85
As far as whether it is a deal-breaker or not. Was it a deal-breaker before? Have you always said "If you cheat, we are done?"
Do not give up on your principles out of fear, or anxiety. "I am afraid to be alone, so I am going to overlook that she cheated.....even though I've always said it was a deal-breaker." Principles are principles. If you give up on that will you be able to respect yourself? And can you ever expect her to respect you again?
Yes, that has been the case for me. And I need to really sit with it and figure it out moving forward. So far I've rationalized and bent (her being on Tinder) without following through and all it has done is make me miserable. Need to get those boundaries set up.
