Not sleeping. My heart is racing with anxiety about the house. It pounds so hard, it wakes me up when I do fall asleep, only to see that an hour has passed. One of those nights. I hope I'm okay for work. I can't be unfocused.
I want to cry it out, but that doesn't solve anything. At least I can have that release tomorrow if I chose. D4 will be at daycare, and I have the rest of the week off. Our office is cutting hours because we are not busy enough, but we'll be shut for the holidays anyways, so I can cry then too if I need to. But until then, I SMILE like everything is okay. I FAKE it.
Whatever happens, I know I'll be okay. I'm not the first person to struggle and I won't be the last.
It just dawned on me that I have to register my kido for kindergarten in a few months! With the pandemic still active like it is, I can't see us moving off the island, as it's pretty safe, spite the rising numbers. And I have my job.
Still I'm in the 90 probation period, with one month to go. Fingers crossed I pass that threshold. I've been honest with my boss about my divorce. I felt I had to, as it explains why I might have more than one sleepless night. I never discuss my daily struggles, but I wanted to make him aware of this struggle. He shared with me he was raised by a single mom. That was a beautiful share and I really appreciated it. He said I'm doing well and you'd never know I'm struggling, as I hid it well.
Time to get ready for the work day.
Breathing deeply. Maybe that will slow things down.
May peaceful moments come when they are needed most.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
