LH19 - Thanks for taking the time to post this, I've started this process. More after my replies to everyone.

CWarrior - Those 37 rules are definitely helpful. They take a little digesting before it feels more like lifestyle advice and less like a checklist but I'm working on that.

may22 - Thanks, I'll consider that. In the context Steve provides after your post this makes more sense.

Steve85 - Thank you for the long, in-depth responses. One of the things that has weighed on me since the BD was that when I had a PA and depression-related problems 10 years ago, she was willing to work past that and focus on us, even though I had stepped out. After 20 years, I feel like I at least owe her the opportunity. That having been said, I do agree that perhaps she shouldn't be given the impression that our marriage is a revolving door.


Update-ish:
Since my last posts I have been reading and re-reading the 37 rules, and a few other resources. I'm getting my copy of DR today and will likely devour that.
I've dropped my e-mail contact with W down to 1-2x/day (I'm shooting for 1 but I'm still working up to that level). I've began structuring the emails based on the ideas in the 37 rules. I started this 2-3 days ago. The e-mails I've gotten since, have gone from being just basic replies and asking about the kids to her telling me about her day and opening up a little. One thing I made sure to do.. our boys are basically grown.. she asked me to tell them she misses and loves them and I just made sure to include their email addresses in my reply. She already knew them and even if she lost them (ship email gets reset sometimes) she could've asked at any time. She's been emailing them separately now and actually thanked me for that.

My GAL:
I've started working at the base gym and my professional resume (graphic artist/3d) has started generating leads. It's like everything started blowing up at once.
I've enrolled at a local university to push my BS into a MS in Cybersecurity. I start in Feb.


It's hard to do much more than this with the pandemic, especially since our Gov. just enacted some hardcore measures but I've been trying to get the kids out of the house and spend time together. If I'm being honest, I had been doing that before as a way to have something to be like "look W, I'm a good H!!" and I've realized pretty quickly that this is both expensive and more importantly not fair to the kids.. because it's fake. I've made the goals of outings about bonding and staying sane since we've all got cabin fever.

I'm supposed to hear back today about a job opportunity, so wish me luck!

Thanks everyone who has taken precious time to read/reply. It matters, thank you.