I wouldn't recommend telling her command about the A.
You note that once you stopped putting pressure on her, things got a bit better-- so keep that up. I would stop kissing her on her forehead, etc. Back off, be friendly and upbeat, don't bring up R talks, don't bring up OM, give her the space she needs to figure out what is going on with her. Do your best to GAL when she's back in town and stay out of her way. I absolutely would make my first priority be working on getting more sleep-- that is super important. Exercise can really help too.
I think you said you'd ordered DR-- definitely read it, I think that will really help you with charting out your path forward.
Good luck!
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing