Hopefully Drifting Ashore (Riding the Wave 4)

[may22]

Hi WF,

Thanks for the update... I know this is all so hard. I'm glad he's trying and I hope you can start to share bits of this with him.

FWIW my H's memory is also cr@p for pretty much the length of the entire A. Annoying. He also seems to have forgotten that he used to travel a ton and the girls and I had a life and did things without him while he was away-- every time a movie comes up that he hasn't seen and the girls I had seen together while he was traveling, he gets so confused-- you saw that movie? but I didn't see it!-- right. Because you weren't here. Maybe this is also partially the pandemic playing into everything, too, given that we are mostly just the four of us (or the two of us if the girls are at school) All. the. time.

Of course you aren't reminding him to shame him... I don't think you need to take any responsibility for how he takes or doesn't take the reminders onto yourself. you've got enough on your plate right now as it is. I imagine that the next six months or so are going to have lots of these little reminders for you, holidays probably more than most... not trying to be depressing, but realistically I think it isn't going to end until you've gotten through at least the first anniversary of all of these incidents. So maybe if it hurts to say it out loud you could just give him a look and tell him to drop it? He'll figure it out pretty quickly, I'll guess. And then you do take your moment to be sad and angry, maybe say some choice words under your breath about your H's decisions a year ago, or just close your eyes and take a couple deep breaths and blow it out till you want to deal with it, on your own terms.

xx M